Monday, September 20, 2010

Just Tell Me What To Do

I had a patient today - that was really anxious because he couldnt remember where he was or how he got there. of course definetly a scary thing that i cant even imagine how unsettling it must be to be so confused for even a moment that you can't even remember how you got to where you are. as soon as i got into the patient's room - i asked him his name - the president, if he knew where he was and he got all those right. at this time he was sitting at the edge of the bed and i had wanted him to lay in bed and i asked him and he said " i dont care - just tell me what to do". thankfully i could - told him to get back in bed - give him his call light and to call if he feels anxious or confused again and i was going to call the md.

right now though i feel the same way - can someone " just tell me what to do"

with work being the way it is - all up in the air i just dont know which way is which anymore. so ECH gave me my packet today - basically they have listed all the positions on 3 units ( including my unit) - i am supposed to rank each job position 1-whatever number for which job i would like to work most. then they go down the list by seniority and match you up with your best choice and what's left - however they didnt write how many total positions are available - just what kind of positions are available. and since i am 22 from the bottom which is low low seniority - i have no idea if ill get a job or not. if you only put 3 choices you are willing to work and when it comes your turn to be matched and those positions are gone - then you are involuntary RIF'd ( laid off). if there's no more positions open by the time it gets to you then you are RIF'd. (RIF reduction in force - ie You're fired"

then there's the option of applying to other hospitals. now keep in mind - no 'job offers' ie letting you know what job you have ( if you have one) until october 8. so do i apply at other hospitals? some hospitals are hiring but not many. what about those hospitals and their contract negotions with benefits and such. its a new hospital and its unknown and scary. what if i get a better jobif i would have stayed with ECH then with this new hospital. what if the new hospital goes through a RIF as well. what about going into a non oncology unit? what about stress and time put into interviews and resume's. how far am i willing to go? and in addition - i got the letter 2 weeks after everyone else so others have already had interviews and gotten job offers 2 days after i got my WARN letter so im already late in the game - and basically screwed. so all these questions.

Can someone just tell me what to do. i guess this is where i leave and say - It's up to God. because really there's nothing left to do. We'll see where i end up - im just glad i have the friends, coworkers, family and two lovely baby puppies to support me. xoxo.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


So this morning at 0900 - i got a call from my manager monica, stating that i will be receiving a WARN letter - bascially it means i could lose my job. if i dont lose my job then i will probably move onto a different shift, different hours, different unit.
lots of changes. - how am i feeling? ok i guess. i dont really understand whats going on but PRN (our union) will be having a meeting tomorrow that me and my friend sumini will go to tomorrow. also they are gonna put info on their website. what else am i feeling? - im scared, but really who isn't scared of the unknown. i was reading my friends blog - chris reynolds - who is in spain by the way for a whole year teaching and im super proud of him - and he was talking about his fears of the unknown as well. so good or bad change is still scary for everyone. what else am i feeling - a bit of anger and frustration but i am trying not to dwell on those feelings because thats not how i want to feel. i was really looking forward to these next few days off - since i got off on sunday early at 3 with a mandatory HC ( aka we were overstaffed and had to be sent home). i wouldnt have to be back at work until friday. well sunday when i got home i fell asleep at 530 pm and woke up at 11 with what i thought were allergies. well went back to bed and woke up the next morning feeling horrible. cold/ flu like symptoms - i got out of bed a max of 3 times. thomas was really nice and went out and got me food - the new forms of chicken noodle soup i enjoy - tortilla soup from el pollo loco and chicken pho - a vietnamese soup.
both were yummy and helped my tummy since i was taking all that gross dayquill that burns my stomach.

then i start to feel better on tuesday and hang out with daddy and mommy and boba even took and passed her canine good citizenship test! i know she could do it - she had a few boba bumps aka her stubborness where she kept looking at her daddy and not listening but she passed and thats all that counts. now we can go on to therapy dog classes and i think we get a percentage off on our homeowners insurance.

boba got a celebratory toro that moos hahah. and they got this panda bear where you stuff it with a soda bottle instead of stuffing - which is good bc prime has a knack for making little holes and ripping out stuffing. and boba gets to share with prime - bc she has too :) but also because he was there for moral support and helped cheer sissy on!

so then today i get this news about the layoffs. but i want to enjoy my last 2 days off before i have to work work work. but lets not think about this. im gonna go out and do things. i have already told my family and friends and i have a great support system and everyone keeps reminding me to give it up to God. and really its so comoforting to know i dont have anything i can do and that He is big enough to take care of it. it's hard for me to give up control but when i get in the situation where i dont even have any control - its a welcome break. so for now. im going to live life chin up , and go to dennys for breakdfast and then a place that always cheers me up - window shop at Target. you know you love me xoxo.